The Liebster Award

I was nominated for the Liebster Award weeks ago, first by @UrbanMumble  and then by@ruthhilbrown. Thanks so much for the nominations – it’s taken a while to get my head round doing it but here it is.

Apologies @UrbanMumble  I went with @ruthhilbrown‘s questions, which I’ve answered below.

1. How long have you been blogging?

Since February this year and so far haven’t been posting nearly as much as I’d like to be. I hope there will be more opportunities to blog as I get more into to routine.

2. Where are you right now?

Half watching TV on my sofa at home while writing this.

3. What’s your day job?

I work at a local council managing their online communications, including their social media channels and website.

4. What did you study/ have you studied/ are you studying?

I studied English Literature and Philosophy at university and then did a post-grad diploma in magazine journalism a few years after.

5. What do you normally have for breakfast?

A granola cereal. Then toast and coffee. I’d like to improve on this and eat more healthily, but my breakfast tends to be eaten quickly around getting my children’s sorted.

6. What song/piece of music would you choose as your theme song if they made a film of your life?

Oh this is a difficult one. I could choose countless songs that have been significant during my life. Off the top of my head – Bjork’s ‘There’s More to Life Than This’ for my early twenties and Nitin Sawney’s ‘Letting Go’ after love lost. Right now at this point, ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams is one for the family. I’ll probably change my mind about all of these tomorrow as my choice of music changes with mood.

7. What’s your favourite object and why?

My engagement ring. It’s nothing flashy, but I love it because it shows my other half and I are committed to one another. It was also designed by me, with the help of a jeweller, and holds the diamond that sat in my grandmother’s engagement ring so holds additional sentimental value. The wedding is still a while away but.

8. What would you like to study or learn how to do if you had the chance?

I’d like to learn to play piano. More importantly though, I really need to learn to drive soon– it’s going to be crucial with three little ‘uns.

9. What do you struggle with the most in your everyday life?

That there are never enough hours to do all that I want to do. At the moment I feel this more so because I’m anaemic, which makes me tired and breathless a lot.

10. Who are your heroes?

Not sure I have heroes as such. More people I really admire for various reasons.

David Mitchell the author – his work keeps me spellbound. I’m currently lost in The Bone Clocks and I will confess here, that it’s kept me from blogging these last couple of weeks. It’s got runaway children, zombies and imaginative twists and turns a plenty

He is a truly brilliant writer and I only wish I could even begin to grow talent like his. I’d be awestruck if I ever met him.

I also think my sister really amazing. She is a physiotherapist that works with people who’ve lost limbs. She gets them back on their feet walking and living a full life again. She is right now back at university specialising more in this area. Her perspective on life is so real and well adjusted.

If I’m looking for sanity and straight talking I pick up the phone to her.

11. Name a work of art, a poem or a book that makes you feel something.

Aside from David Mitchell I am a big Ali Smith fan – her books and short stories always take me on a journey where I question life for a bit.

I’m currently also a bit obsessed with the tree pictures by artist Claire Beattie. I saw a couple of displayed in a local gallery and was enraptured. They make me feel at peace.

And now for the 11 facts about me…

• I’m a cat person, not a dog person
• I learned the clarinet up ’til grade 5 as a child
• I still love going night clubbing and dancing until dawn.
• I wanted to have four children until I had a baby. I’m definitely stopping after this one, my third.
• I’m turning 40 in December
• I really detest brussell sprouts but force them down every Christmas because they’re always put on my plate by family
• I love yoga, but unfortunately I’m not making enough time for it right now
• I put my hands in front of my eyes at violence in films and TV programmes. I really can’t stomach it.
• I’ve really wide feet. My other half jokes they’re those of a hobbit.
• When I pluck my eyebrows it makes me sneeze, lots.
• Hardly any of my friends know I’m writing this blog. I’m trying to keep it as my place to write freely.

My nominations for the Leibster Award are:

@carlito_burito

@Pumpkinellababy

@Youre_Glowing

@rebeccap_blog

@Mummys_Blog

@moomakesblog

@klchambers

And my questions to you are:

1. Why did you decide to blog?
2. What do you do for your day job?
3. Where’s the best place ever you’ve travelled to?
4. If you can only have one desert island disc, what would it be?
5. When did you last really, really laugh?
6. What irritates you?
7. If you could have a superhero power, what would it be?
8. If you could witness any historical event, what would you choose to see?
9. Do you read novels? If so, what are you reading right now?
10. Do you have a hobby? If so, please tell us about it.
11. Please give five words that summarise your personality.

Apologies if you’ve been nominated before and have already done this. I hope you choose to join in, as this is a great way to find out more about you and to find new bloggers out there.

• Find out more about the Liebster Award

In Greece: A mother’s guilt

As soon as I finished work last Wednesday afternoon – my last full day before maternity leave – I came home, put my children to bed, finished packing my bag, took a bath and slept two hours before rising at 2am to take a taxi and then coach to Gatwick to catch a 6am flight. I felt like I was fleeing, running away in the dead of night, leaving my sleeping sons and other half, and inside I felt guilty for leaving them.

The umbrella sculpture on Thessaloniki’s seafront

This I write now, four days later. I’ve had a great time relaxing with my friend and her family in her home city of Thessaloniki, Greece. I’ve had my first ever pedicure, I’ve slept long into late mornings and I’ve eaten nothing but delicious authentic Greek food since landing Thursday. Last night I managed to watch a film I’d been wanting to watch for years – Frida – plus I’ve found time to write this blog.

The time I’ve selfishly had here, all by myself, is good for my soul, I know this. But I have felt guilty. After all I’ve left my children, travelled more than a thousand miles away across Europe to escape home pressures and spent quality time with someone else’s family.

A mother’s guilt is something that came up when I’ve been chatting with my good friend here too. Apparently it’s  very much part of the Greek culture. ” The Greek way is guilt. The mother passes it on to the child, who passes it on.” my friend tells me.

I’m not quite sure how to explain this more clearly, but I think it has to do with guilt around familial responsibility. It seems in Greek culture the mother is very much tied to her children, even once they reach adulthood, and she is very much involved in the upbringing of her children’s children. She often helps in her adult daughter’s and/or son’s home with household chores and childcare, even sacrificing aspects of her own life to assist with what she thinks are her offspring’s needs.

At a birthday party on Saturday, where I whiled away happy hours in a pretty garden with a dozen or so lovely and hospitable Greeks, this came in conversation. “I don’t think it’s healthy,” a mother revealed “to be this much in your children’s life. To be in the children’s home this much, to be doing this much for your children.” It seems possibly a talking point for this generation of Greek women, who have to wrangle childcare needs around depleting job opportunities and tightening budgets. The Greek mother’s role in her adult child’s  home is being scrutinised.

I’m a little envious if I’m honest here. My mother is not that interested in connecting with my children, she never really calls to find out how they, or I, are doing. When she helps it’s only at my behest and I feel awkward asking for this because of her disinterest. In contrast my mother-out-law openly says she wants to see the boys and pro-actively helps where and when she can – though, unlike some Greek grandmothers, totally lives her own life as well.

The mother-out-law has got the balance right I feel.  So has the mother of my friend here in Greece who evidently adores her grandchildren and helps her children as much as she can around her own full life doing the things she enjoys. I do wish my mother was more involved as I think she misses out on the joy of her grandchildren, but I can’t change this.

So, should I feel guilty being here, enjoying the company of other people I care about, while back in England my boys and other half fend for themselves, without me? I think not. They know I miss them. I’ve phoned them to tell them. They know I love them. They will see this when I give them my gifts and kisses. If anything me ruminating on all this has made me realise how important it is to have balance.

I fly back tomorrow morning. My hold bag is packed and ready on the bedroom floor here. I’m relaxed and have thoroughly enjoyed seeing my friend and her family who I treasure very much. Do I feel guilty now? A bit, but not as much as that night I first left my family. Next time I come though, I think I will need to bring the boys, the other half and baby with me. Not because I should, but simply because it will make my time here fuller and all of us happy.